


Two's Company, Three's a Christmas Miracle

by LiveLoveLikeMe



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Handcuffs, Smut, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2019-02-14 22:37:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13017603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiveLoveLikeMe/pseuds/LiveLoveLikeMe
Summary: River’s dreams have come true!  What’s a girl to do with two husbands, some handcuffs, and a Tardis with plenty of space?   DWSecretSanta gift for Lostiesgirl





	Two's Company, Three's a Christmas Miracle

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Holidays lostiesgirl I hope you enjoy your secret santa present! I had so much fun writing it, and I hope it’s not too terribly cheesy. It’s been a very long time since I wrote any smut that wasn’t f/f, but I hope it lives up to your expectations. They're such a fun dynamic.

The Doctor sat tinkering away in his hammock under the Tardis console, occasionally pausing to give her a friendly pat while he worked on his newest repair that would surely do something magnificent once he figured out what it would be.  He stopped to assess the crossing of some wires, fingering his bowtie thoughtfully.  The Tardis seemed to be trying to tell him something.

She was humming just a little too loudly, almost as though growling at him, and there was a strange pair of voices that couldn’t be voices… if he could just change the frequency on this one setting…

“I’m telling you, this is _not_ where you parked.”

The Doctor startled, banging his head on the base of the console as he sat up in shock.  The voices were, decidedly, not coming from his old girl at all—though now she hissed steam at him in protest of his head banging against her—but it was certainly one he would recognize anywhere.  

He jumped up, still rubbing his sore head, and bounded his way up the steps to greet his wife.  With a note of apprehension in his mind, he hoped this visit wouldn’t begin with the same intense danger River usually brought along with herself. 

“I find it highly unlikely, Rivah, that there would be two blue police boxes parked in the same geographical hemisphere of Poughvert this time of year.”  The Doctor paused in his ascent, straightening his bowtie more forcefully.  There was a _Scottish_ man outside _his_ Tardis with _his wife_ and she did not sound the least bit threatened by his presence. 

He huffed, moving into view of the door with his arms crossed pointedly in annoyance.  It’s not that he thought River never spent time in the company of others—he certainly hadn’t forgotten Cleopatra after all—but to bring one back to his Tardis?  That hardly seemed fair.

Just as he’d finished settling into position, the door swung open, revealing his wife and an older gentleman.  The Doctor frowned, was she holding his hand?

“My love, what have you done this time?” River asked with a laugh that made his insides soften just a bit, overcome with excitement to see her.  River walked in, heels clicking along the floor as she took in the Tardis interior with a devilish smirk. 

The older man grimaced even more than the Doctor thought possible, looking grumpily around the Tardis with an air of disdain.  Would it be mean to simply kick River’s guest out without greeting?

“Never did like these wall panels,” he grumbled.

“Hello, Sweetie,” the Doctor called, stepping forward to draw her attention away from the rude man wandering around criticizing his beautiful Tardis. 

River’s eyes lit up, betraying her giddy excitement even as she slowly sauntered toward him until they were close enough to touch.  “Well this is a surprise,” she purred, drawing him nearer.  He realized, when she hadn’t finished off the space between them with a kiss, that she was trying to assess the current rules in his time stream.  The Doctor had other ideas, however, and swept an arm around her waist, bending her back in a picturesque style as he planted a kiss of his own upon her lips.

It was decidedly similar to a dog marking his territory in front of another, which River would surely berate him for later, but she _had_ brought the man into _his Tardis_.   

Kissing River was a lot like tasting honey while sipping on bourbon.

“Happy Christmas to me,” River purred brightly as he brought her back up for air.

“It’s not Christmas,” the grumpy-looking man stated unnecessarily. 

“It is somewhere, and trust me, Sweetie, there’s little else more magical than this.”  River touched her lips and looked between them with the most curious expression in her eyes—something mischievous was stirring and he wasn’t sure he liked it.

“Ehem,” the Doctor cleared his throat, bringing her attention back to himself.  “Aren’t you going to introduce me to your guest?”

She laughed again, a warm throaty sound with such an inviting quality that he almost forgot they weren’t alone together.  At least, until the unwanted guest took it upon himself to step forward, his own laugh tainting the sound of River’s. 

“Don’t recognize me?” he asked, like there was a joke the Doctor was missing out on.

He found nothing remotely funny about a strange man with his wife looking for a blue b—

“No!” he exclaimed, stepping closer to perform a better examination of the man, a grin breaking free as understanding began to set in.  “We sure do get older,” he spoked with a frown, which the other Doctor mirrored in response. 

“Hardly.”

“But… oh!” he exclaimed, stretching to his tip-toes to better see.  “Those eyebrows are delightful!”

“Now that we’re all better acquainted,” River jutted in, stepping in between her husbands, “I have a wonderful idea.”

Both Doctors rolled their eyes at her insatiable hunger that never seemed to waver, even when presented with a surprising change of plans.

It should have been obvious from the moment he saw that strangely exhilarated twinkle in her eyes as she looked between them, but now that he know the grumpy stranger was merely his future self…

“I don’t suppose you have any memory of this to go on?” he asked his older self.

The eyebrows wrinkled thoughtfully and he shook his head.  “Afraid not,” his Scottish accent drawled thickly on his vowels.  “In fact, I couldn’t recall much about this planet at all.  Which, now that I think of it,” he paused to give River a knowing look, “that was why we came in the first place.”

She scoffed, not nearly as offended as she tried to sound.  “You’re the one who’s been here before, Sweetie.”

“So maybe you didn’t know,” he conceded, fiddling with his bowtie, “but you definitely suspected.  And you know very well that us being in here together is very dangerous.”

“You clearly don’t know her very well yet if you think that would stop River,” his older self interjected.

“Eyebrows, be quiet.  I’m trying to think.”

River, slyly as ever, wound a hand around his own and kissed him placatingly on the cheek before moving and doing the same to Eyebrows. 

Sparks shot out from the Tardis console in warning of the paradox they were creating by River’s hand.

“Oh!” she jumped, as though it had pleased her.

Both Doctors turned to see what they could do to calm the Tardis down, and were immediately tugged together by a pair of handcuffs.

“Rivahh,” the Scot drawled in warning, “I thought I’d hidden those from you.”

She smiled and touched a hand softly to his cheek.  “Yes, you really did try.  S’ppose I should give you credit—it did take me almost an hour to find them again.”

When they both continued to stare at her, unamused, she added, “clearly we aren’t at danger of breaking time, otherwise he,” she pointed to the older Doctor, “wouldn’t have a missing memory of this already happening.”

The Doctor had to admit, she had a point—barring a million possible ways it could still go very wrong.  But there was that look she was still giving him—both of him—that caused something to stir within the Doctor too. 

“It’s not every day an opportunity like this comes about,” River pressed.  “But of course, if you’re not interested…”

The Doctor paused.  Despite the temporal issues, he was very much interested.  His older self was undeniably attractive—though less than his current self in his opinion—and while that alone may not have sparked enough of an interest in pursuing anything further, the pheromones River was practically swimming in between them were harder to resist.

He met his older self’s eyes, getting a short nod of agreement in return, then turned to River who was watching them both anxiously.  With his free hand, he gently grabbed her chin and pulled her in for another kiss, slower this time.  Her lips parted in a gasp against his, and she pushed back, flicking her tongue against his teeth teasingly. 

River pulled away and looked to the one with the Eyebrows, not even hesitating to pull him into a similar kiss, smudging her lipstick around his mouth.  The Doctor felt a pang of jealousy at how freely he kissed River in the future.  Every touch between them still felt electric, tentative and unsure, but she grabbed Eyebrows with pure abandon.

Like they kissed one another so often it was second nature, while he struggled to keep her still long enough to give them more than one night alone.

River broke the kiss and, still held protectively in his older self’s arm, turned to him with a look of warmth and reached out a hand to tug him closer.  Carefully, like trying to tempt a skittish rabbit forward, River moved him close enough to kiss the older Doctor.

“Rivahh, I’m not sure that’s such a good idea,” the Scottish man husked nervously, eyes widening in realization. 

“Oh, come on.  I don’t believe for a second that you wouldn’t fancy yourself.  Both of you have far too much ego for anything else,” River argued, eyes still twinkling with mischief.

She wasn’t wrong, though he’d never admit it. 

“Well,” he shrugged, “if the wife insists…”

With much less care than they’d taken with River, the Doctors clashed together quickly, like ripping off a bandaid.  For a second, the kiss was hard, too overzealous with them both assuming domination, but then for a moment, they fought their way to a sensual balance, only parting when the Tardis caught up with the action and shot out sparks in warning.

They ripped apart as far as the handcuffs would allow, both panting with a mix of emotions. 

“Right, so, bad idea.  Timey wimey stuff does not like the paradox of me kissing myself.  Sorry, dear,” the Doctor said, patting the Tardis console board.

“Perhaps we should just go back to our Tardis,” the Scottish one added, looking at River who was now frowning between them.

For a moment, she was quiet—considering her options, no doubt—and just stared between them.  It was when the grin returned that the Doctor felt his stomach sink in worry.  She’d found a solution.

Eyebrows frowned—something he seemed to be quite talented at—and tried awkwardly to cross his arms over his chest.

Without a word, River reached into her cleavage and pulled out a key, quickly unlocking one end of the handcuffs and freeing the Scottish one’s hand.  He completed his arm crossing immediately, and she merely rolled her eyes and put the key back. 

“River, you’ve forgotten mine,” the Doctor pointed out, lifting his arm which now held the full weight of her handcuffs.

“Don’t worry, Sweetie, I’ve a plan.”  She turned and started heading down one of the Tardis hallways.  “You two better keep up if you don’t want to get lost again.”

With many protests of their navigation skills muttered, the Doctors followed their wife.

They turned a corner and followed her through a doorway that had definitely not been there before, though River’s familiarity moving about it made him question if she’d merely been hiding it.  “I thought it possible that this occasion may arise some day,” she said for way of explanation, digging through a drawer. 

“Clearly,” the Scot mumbled with a scoff.

She ignored the snark and turned to another drawer, having apparently not found what she wanted.

“You two can’t touch, unfortunately, but it seems there were no problems with either of you touching me.  If we take some precautions…” she drifted off, distracted by whatever she was looking for.

The Doctor swallowed nervously.  River’s idea of precautions, he’d learned, usually were a bit terrifying.

She placed something wrapped in paper on the desk before starting on herself.  River reached up her skirt and pulled out a gun—he wasn’t going to ask where she’d been stashing it—then removed her holster from her waist, much to the Doctor’s relief.

“Doctor,” she called, not looking up as she began unzipping her jacket.  When both responded, River sighed and tugged off the garment, discarding it haphazardly onto the floor.  “Right.  Eyebrows, then.  Come here,” she beckoned to the Scot.

“Why am I Eyebrows?” he gruffed, still acquiescing.  “And when did you put a sex dungeon in my Tardis?”

“ _MY_ Tardis, you mean.”

“Shush, both of you have one,” River waved a hand to brush off the thought.  “And it’s not a sex dungeon, it’s just a carefully stocked bedroom.  Now,” she clasped her hands together.  “Strip down, both of you, and Eyebrows, come with me.” 

“Jumping right to it then,” he grumbled, following anyways. 

“Just making things easier, but don’t worry, we still have all night!” River chimed happily.

“I don’t doubt that.”

All three set about removing their clothes, both Doctors taking a bit longer than usual as the distraction of River doing the same set in.  The Doctor was happy to note that his future self looked just as pleased—some sights so magnificent could never grow old.

“Now,” she began, once they all stood undressed.  She pulled the older Doctor to the bed and roughly pushed him back down against it, giggling and leaning down to kiss his chest.

“Oi, I don’t want to just watch!”

River sat up and rolled her eyes at him, moving back to retrieve her package and a small tube from the desk.

“Hush, I have it all figured out.  Just give me a moment to arrange things.”

And, like a proper woman on a mission, River did just that.  The package turned out to hold a silk scarf.  She returned to her position above the Doctor on the bed, helping him arrange himself on his back up closer to the headboard.  She grabbed his wrist, kissing it slowly on the pulse point before tying one end of the silk scarf around it, fastening his left hand to the headboard above him.

“We have to be careful to minimize how much you two can move.  Wouldn’t want you touching by accident,” she explained with a devilish smirk that made the Doctor think she’d have done the same either way.  The relaxed look on the older Doctor’s face seemed a little too familiar with the setup, after all.

She straddled the Scot, legs parted so invitingly the Doctor had to steady his hearts.  “Come on, Bowtie, you’re up,” she called.

Figuring that he must be Bowtie, he approached the bed slowly, unsure where to go.

“Carefully, I want you to climb up behind me and get on top.  Attach the other end of that handcuff to the headboard over here,” River directed.

“If this is to stop us touching, why don’t we need both hands tethered up?” the Doctor asked, whilst following her orders regardless.  He knew even if he did have an argument against the idea, she’d win in the end.

“Just because you two can’t touch, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be touching me!  This just… minimizes the risks.  You have opposite hands available, and I can think of lots of uses for them,” she said with a wicked smirk.

“Are we all arranged then, dear?” the Doctor asked once he was settled on top, using his legs to keep from squishing his wife too much.

River wriggled in place then laughed saucily.  “This should do just wonderfully.”

“Aye, just keep your weight off me up there.”

The Doctor considered his current position, then looked his older self in the eyes, and all at once they both busted out laughing.

“River, this is absolutely ridiculous.”

She frowned, then soon joined along, and for a minute the three of them simply laid there, piled up on the bed, all naked, two of them tied up, and none of them able to cease their laughter.

“I suppose it is,” she said, wiping at the corner of her eye once she’d regained her composure a bit. 

For a moment, the Doctor wondered if they’d end it there—all get up, unlock and untie themselves, get dressed, and part as though nothing had ever happened.   But then he was kissing River’s shoulder, tossing all thoughts of escape out the window, because as silly as it all felt, there was still River Song—beautiful as ever—perched between his legs and hopeful for a night living out one of her more elaborate fantasies.

And no amount of ridiculousness could ever override his desire to give her everything he possibly could, especially when her eyes twinkled with so much delight.

He moved along, kissing a trail from her shoulder up to the nape of her neck, flicking his tongue and sucking lightly in just the spot he knew would make her gasp.  The other Doctor was massaging her breast, the combination of the two making River moan between them.

He could feel himself stirring, a pressure building that made him shift, inadvertently pressing himself against her ass.  She was kissing the Scot, but yelped against his lips in surprise.

“Hello, Bowtie,” she husked, laughing to herself while both men continued kissing her.

Steadying himself on the headboard, the Doctor reached his free hand down between her legs.  His fingers were met with a warm, sticky sensation, River gasping and shuddering beneath him.  “Now _that’s_ a ready welcome!”

He brought his hand up to his lips, sniffing and tasting her sweetness.  He wished he could see her face, but the rumbling sound she made beneath him only served to deepen his arousal.  They’d only just begun, and already he felt he could barely hold on. 

“I’ve been ready since we left the console room,” she paused, moaning against the Scot’s neck.  “Took you two long enough to catch up.”

The Doctor returned his fingers between her legs, stroking between her warm lips, finding a steady rhythm of strokes and circles.  She jerked up into him when he brushed against her clit, making him throb with need, his other self undoubtedly not far behind, but they could wait.  Eyebrows took her breast in his hand, licking and nibbling at her nipple, while the other continued his ministrations, sending River into a series of moans and gasps. 

“Faster!” she cried, and the Doctor increased his speed, pressing harder, brushing more and more against her clit, until finally River was thrown over the edge, crying out between them and collapsing onto the Scot, panting heavily.

She rested only a moment, kissing Eyebrows on the chest and draging her nails down his abdomen, leaving little red lines behind. 

The Doctor spied the tube she’d grabbed earlier beside them on the bed, recognizing it as a lubricant, and this time needed no directions to figure out what he was expected to do. 

River twisted as best she could, reaching up to kiss him passionately, before turning back to the other.  He readied himself with the lubricant, once more bracing himself on the headboard with his cuffed hand, and reached down to River’s ass.  He squeezed the right cheek playfully, eliciting a yelp, then slipped the hand in between them. 

The Doctor reached forward again, saturating his fingers in the warm liquid surrounding her cunt, then brought them back and felt for the small puckered hole further back.  She gasped as he slowly, carefully plunged one finger inside her, testing River’s limits and easing her open.

“Fuck,” she moaned, biting down on the Scot’s nipple, making him cry out in pleasure at the same time.

They began a slow, steady rhythm together, until he was certain River was prepared enough to handle him in full.

The Doctor considered their positioning for only a moment, not needing to be told twice what River was indeed ready to take.

His cock fully lubricated, the Doctor eased it to her prepared opening pushing in several inches and pausing for River to adjust.  The other Doctor seemed to have no intention of being as patient, and soon thrusted his own cock into River’s other opening, still throbbing and ready from before.

All three stilled for a moment and River cried out, letting her body adjust to holding so much inside, and then slowly they began a pumping motion together. 

Eyebrows used his free hand to find her clit, rubbing circles on it in syncopation with the rest of their movements.

River’s breath was heavy, and she was so tight around him he could barely hold on.  He pushed a little deeper in, not wanting to hurt her, but wanting to feel her as much as possible.  Finally, after pumping and shifting, breathing in the fresh scent of River’s hair as he pushed himself into her like they might solidify into one being, the Scot cried out from below, sending him tumbling over the edge himself, both of them pouring into River while she quaked between them.  Lights brighter than a bursting star exploded across his vision, and then he was coming down, removing himself, and lying on his side on the bed, River carefully pressed between them and humming contentedly. 

The Doctor wasn’t sure he could ever move again, and from the look on the older man’s face, he was happy to see some things never changed where River Song was involved.  Just maybe, for once, the two of them had been enough to expend her seemingly unending sexual energy.

 Then, just as sleep threatened to overtake the Doctor, he heard footsteps.

“Hello?  River?” a female voice called down the corridor.  Both men looked at her in exasperation, wondering who she could have possibly invited now.

“Oh, the wife’s here!” she chirped giddily, hopping up between them.  “Spoilers, boys, but don’t worry.  I have a feeling you won’t remember.  Time for another round!”

Both Doctors groaned—no, not even two of them had been enough for River Song.


End file.
